Tuesday, 1 January 2013

OldFUDisc: Chapter 4

Please note: This chapter is presented here as an archive of OldFUDisc; it was written eight years ago and has no direct relationship to the current story. ~The Administrator.

Becky sat on the floor of the Great Hall, studying the bruises on her arm. They really were quite spectacular – she'd never seen bruising that spelt out the words 'HA HA HA' before. Nevertheless, she felt she had been unfairly treated.

She hadn't been one of the ones who had yelled in outrage when Miss Susan had announced that no lust objects were going to be on campus for the next few days. Sure, she might have mumbled a little, but that was no reason for that fat wizard – the one who kept yelling at her Ponder, his name was Ridully or something – to have picked her out to drop bits of ceiling on. It really was utterly unfair.

At this point, Becky noticed the groaning from around her, and realised that she had not been singled out. In fact, only two students remained upright – the one who had been pinned to the wall by Ms Raven, and a tall, pale girl in a frilly floral-print skirt and matching big-sleeved shirt, who seemed to be clinging to the pinned one for support.

Becky was just looking around to make certain no one else was still standing when Miss Susan's voice reached her ears. "Mustrum Ridcully, when I said 'Calm them down', I did not mean 'Shoot their heads off with fireballs'. Is this understood?"

Becky turned and stared in the direction the voice was coming from. The fat wizard who had been dropping ceilings on her was standing with Miss Susan. They seemed to be staring at something on the ground, and Becky realised with horror that it was, in fact, a student. One without a head.

"Now then, be fair," Ridcully was saying, "It was only one fireball. And that Huinesoron person did say that they were planning to get your grandfather to bring them back."

Miss Susan nodded, while Becky tried to remember exactly who her grandfather was supposed to be. "Yes," the headmistress said, "but I haven't been able to get in touch with him." At that point, she paused, turned to look into the space beside her, and said, "Until now, that is. Hello, Grandfather."

Becky blinked. There wasn't anyone in the space Miss Susan was talking to. Was her grandfather a ghost, or something?

Her musings were broken when the Ridully guy pulled out a piece of broken glass, attached to a bit of wood. This, Becky recognised. It was a piece of that omniscope that Ponder had broken – obviously he had done it deliberately, knowing that it could then be used for two-way communication.

Dr Huinesoron ran down into the Great Hall, slamming the door back and crushing a couple of students – the one who had tried to glomp him and her friend, a pair going by the names of Saphie and Andy – while trying to sort through a pile of paperwork at the same time. He found the sheet of paper he was looking for just as he reached the group of three Canons. Ignoring the headless corpse at their feet, he looked instead at the translucent figure attached to the body by a pale blue cord.

"Well now, Fawkes, you may have noticed you are dead," he began. The short girl nodded.

"Yes, Dr Huinesoron, sir," she replied in a high voice. "Er . . . am I going to be brought back?"

Huinesoron frowned at her. "Well, there's a slight problem with that. On your form you put down that you wished to be brought back as the 'Death of Fangirls'. Correct?" At her nod, he continued. "You do understand what this means? That you will be entirely responsible for returning your fellow students to life, or whatever state they desire, on each and every occasion that one of them is killed. You will likely lose sleep, miss out on lessons, and be feared by everyone. Are you willing to do that?"

The girl nodded. "Yes, sir. It's what I want, sir."

Huinesoron sighed. "Right, then." He turned to the dark figure beside him. "Milord, would you care to give her what powers she needs?"

CERTAINLY, replied Death, and leant over the body of the student. Huinesoron, Susan and Ridcully watched as the pale shade that had stood among them was pulled along the blue cord into her former body. The ashes that had once been her head coalesced, and after only a minute or two the girl sat up. Her red hair had developed a black streak down the middle – something Raven later declared to be 'a sign that narritivium has little imagination' – and one of her hazel eyes had turned blue. She looked around at the three Canons and the one Administrator.

Dr Huinesoron offered a hand to help her up – a gesture that sent his one fangirl, Saphie, who was only now recovering from being slammed against a wall, into a fit of envious rage – and handed her a sheet of paper. "This lists the requested post-death states of all the students in the University. You will need to stick to it exactly, or your powers will be revoked. You will not be provided with a scythe, as no students should be permitted to pass on completely. A black robe will be given to you if you require it."

Death seemed about to say something, but Fawkes got there first. "There's no need," said the new Death of Fangirls with a twinkle in her eye. She concentrated, and Huinesoron was shocked to see her clothes transform into something similar to Death's robe, but with the hood left down. After a moment to recover, he smiled.

"Excellent. We shall have to see about getting you a staff position once your time here is done." With that, he turned and left the room, pushing the door with Saphie attached against the wall one last time on the way out.

* * *

Yes, I realise it's been a while, but there's a new chapter.

I also realise that there's a lot of Cruelty To Students in here. That, of course, is the whole point.

Disclaimer: Dr. hS is ours. Becky, Saphie, Andy, Fawkes are ours now. No one else is.


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