The Administrator closed his laptop with a click and turned to face his last three students. “That’s everyone else home,” he announced. “PPCers to HQ, everyone else to the Real World. All vampires successfully de-vamped, everyone turned back to human – even Traveler is no longer a box. Everyone except you three.” He grimaced and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I can’t say I’m happy about this.”
“I never imagined you would be,” Iplis said softly. “But I’m not going back.”
“And I’m not leaving if she’s still here,” Cazzie added, glowering at the vampire. “You can’t trust her.”
“And I can trust you? You’re a fangirl too,” the Administrator pointed out. He raised a hand at Cazzie’s protest. “All right. I’ve allowed you to stay – both of you – because you were closest to Liliac and our Death of Fangirls.” He glanced at the third fangirl. “You, on the other hand, are here for the effect you have on Ispace. But all of you are only staying because you could be useful – not because I like you.”
“Being liked went out of the window for me last night,” Iplis observed. “I’ll help you.”
“Yes, you will.” The Administrator shook his head. “So here we are. I suppose you have questions.”
“A few, yes,” Cazzie admitted, glancing at her companions. “So Penny was right? We are in a story?”
“Well, yes and no,” the Administrator replied. “Yes, you were written in, which is why things got a bit confusing. Sorry about that, by the way.”
Cazzie shrugged. “It didn’t affect me.”
“Oh, yes, the OFUM misfile… well. You were all written in, yes, but what you did wasn’t written. That was all you. But… that’s why the distances were messed up – why you never saw the other classes – why you were all girls, actually.”
“I can’t say I objected to that,” Iplis murmured, smiling faintly. Cazzie glared at her again, and she fell silent.
“I guess you’ve answered my second question already,” Cazzie went on as if Iplis had never spoken, “which was if we were being mind-controlled. So… Liliac. She seemed to know you.”
The Administrator sighed. “Ispace… they didn’t used to be like this, you know. They were founded by Glorfindel – you know, the elf? – and used to spend their time keeping fangirls away from Tolkien elves. This whole ‘everything called an elf must be protected from everything else’… I don’t know where that came from.”
“And you were a member?” Iplis asked. Cazzie glowered at her, and then shrugged slightly.
“All right, I admit it, I was about to ask the same thing…”
The Administrator laughed aloud. “Stars, no! I was a sort of vigilante. At the time, you see, Legolas was in the business of throwing pancakes at people, and-“
“Wait, wait.” Cazzie shook her head. “Pancakes? Like… milk and flour in a frying pan?”
“That’s the one,” the Administrator confirmed. “It’s a long story. But he had this group of fangirls who used to help him out, bake his pancakes, that sort of thing.”
Iplis laughed, and even Cazzie couldn’t keep from grinning. “Sorry – is that meant to be innuendo?”
“Surprisingly, no.” The Administrator smirked. “Not that they would have minded… anyway, I helped them out on occasion, and a handful of them joined Ispace… I was at the Battle of Erebor, when the PPC and Ispace stood together against the fangirl onslaught. Times have changed.” He shook his head slowly. “So yes. Liliac knows me as Huinesoron. I was hoping she wouldn’t recognise me as ‘the Administrator’, but no such luck.”
“Okay, that’s… kind of a lot to take on board,” Cazzie admitted. “One more question – what do we do now?”
“Now that you’ve successfully forced your continued presence on me for the duration, you mean?” The Administrator shook his head. “We organise. Like I said, I know Liliac – she’s not going to stop at closing OFUDisc.”
Cazzie’s eyes widened. “OFUM!”
“And HFA, and… everyone,” the Administrator agreed.
Cazzie shook her head slowly. “I would say I was confident Miss Cam could hold her own, especially with the mini-Balrogs on hand… but I’d be lying. I’ve seen what Liliac’s got to work with.”
“And if the Headmistress can’t stand up to Ispace, who can?” the Administrator said. Cazzie gave him an odd look, but said nothing.
“So we warn them,” Iplis said firmly. “We combine forces so nothing can get through – get ourselves time to think.”
“We’ve already made some steps in that direction,” the Administrator admitted. “It’s sort of a secret, because we’re still in the early stages, but we’ve started an Official Fanfiction University of OFUs. My peers – the Course Coordinators – are the staff, so it’s definitely opened communication links between the Fanfiction Universities.”
“And Miss Cam’s the Head,” Cazzie nodded. “That makes sense, given, you know, precedent. When you said ‘Headmistress’ I thought you meant of OFUDisc, which was weird, because that should be-“
“Let’s not get into that,” the Administrator said hastily. “It’s a bit… well. The important thing is that we need to contact the rest of OFU-Squared as soon as possible.”
“And then what?” Iplis demanded. “You’ve seen their wormholes – they can strike anywhere. Even with help, how long can we defend against that?”
Cazzie looked at her curiously. “You’re scared?”
“No, I-“ Iplis paused and sighed. “Yes. Terrified. Shouldn’t I be?”
“Maybe,” Cazzie admitted. “And it’s a good question – what do we do when we’ve got the defences up?”
“We take the fight to them,” the Administrator declared. “I know where to find Ispace Mountain. Once we’ve got a big enough army – of minis and canons – we go and knock on Liliac’s front door!”
Silence. Then the third student raised her hand.
“Um, question,” Lindyellwen said uncertainly. “Does this mean I don’t get to see Verence again?”
Disclaimer: All references to canons belong to their respective creators. The OFU concept was created by Miss Cam; all OFUs are the property of their respective authors. Cazzie, Iplis, and Lindyellwen are based on applications to OFUDisc. OFUDisc and Ispace are my own creations. All details of the plot are my own.
Author's Note: So here we are again. It's always such a pleasure! Ahem. Welcome to The Ispace Wars. This story is a sequel to The Official Fanfiction University of Discworld, which should probably be read first. It also constitutes a crossover/tie-in with the Protectors of the Plot Continuum shared universe; a brief description of the PPC, and links for more information, can be found here. The Ispace Wars will take place across the multiverse, but fairly large chunks of it will be in Middle-earth.
So here we go. Hold tight - it's going to be quite a ride!